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It was obvious that I was not in the relationship for sex, since we hardly had a steady sexual relationship. I was strongly attracted to her, but was there more than that? Was she something I had lusted after in my past and now was afraid to let go of?And if I did want a relationship, what could I do to address the issues Mom had raised? Her insecurity was a result of my unavailability. At least part of it was, anyway. What could I do about that?I heated another bowl of spaghetti and continued to think about it.Of course, I knew there were a hundred ways I could show her I cared and make her more central to my life, especially once I had my car and license. The real question was whether it was worth the effort. I knew of only one couple that had stayed together after high school and actually ended up married, let alone happy. What were the odds that we were the soul mates everyone always talked about? It was probably best if I put my boyhood fantasies and desires aside and focused on. It's why lesbians claim that only women properly know how to induce clitoral orgasms in other women!Mom didn't mind not having a penis of her own; she got plenty of double duty on any given evening.The problem was our own wantonness. My sister and I, from the moment we first tasted sex with each other, knew we would have a difficult time if we ever had to separate.Yet, within a few weeks of our starting college at Yale, Glen told me that she had met someone.The boy reminded her of Freddie Mercury, handsome, full of zest and yet showing bi tendencies!I smiled and encouraged her, but when I was alone the very next time, I cried until my eyes hurt!Don't get me wrong. I love my sister and I really root for her. I cried simply out of despair for her discovery and now my possible lonliness, and I didn't dare entertain the thought that she should share this boy, although I knew in my bones that if Glen loved him, then so would I.And I didn't tell our parents. Glen was old enough to decide.
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